About Me

My photo
Jacksonville, Florida, United States
I am a smart mouthed, tell it like it is southern chick. I love and hurt like everyone else. Take me as I am or get on outta here! I have two wonderful children, One large man child husband, and two furbabies. I'm existing, hopefully soon to be living once the brain tumor I have is removed. Anything you want to know, e-mail me!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

HCG Vlog1/ Short surro update

Ok, so here is the video I made this morning of the start of the HCG Vlog series I plan to do. I will not post all of them on here, but I am doing another Blog about this diet and how I am doing with it, feel free to follow along. You can also subscribe to my youtube page if you wish =)



Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Let me tell you..

Bleeding for 10 days is no fun. I finally stopped bleeding for good yesterday. HOORAY!!

There was also massive drama at my house Sunday night, long story.

So, that aside, packing and getting ready for a move with dh working like 60 hours this week. We got a really pretty puppy too. I'm excited.

M&L are still doing a donor search in my agency data base. Time to hurry up and wait some more.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Waiting...AKA "Surro Limbo"

Being in "surro limbo" as I've seen several ladies refer to it, stinks. It's waiting, waiting, and more waiting.

So, I've decided in the meantime while I'm waiting, I am going to try something. I was browsing SMO and saw a thread on the HCG diet. I was curious (as we all know I am) and I ordered some. The girls were saying it's pretty easy, apply the drops under the tongue and after the first 2 days you cut your caloric intake down to 500 calories a day. I barely eat as it is, so this will be easy for me. NO EXERCISE!! (hell yea!)

I've been checking Youtube as well and seeing a ton of success stories. I just need to lose 30 lbs and I am golden, in the "normal" category and I will be soooo happy. So, it's supposed to be there by next Friday and I am going to stock up on stuff low calorie/carb and get ready. I plan to get before/after pics and measurements as well.

Also, we are moving next weekend. We live in these apartments and I am tired of it. We found a place we can afford without me having to work and still have all the luxeries we have here and then some, without all the hassles of living in an apartment. And we can finally get a dog. Woot!

Anyway, that's my news...since I've decided to make this blog about more than the surrogacy, I will be posting updates on everything from now on.

Keep reading!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Wow

Ok, I'm a little weirded out now...it's Friday. Last Friday, I started spotting. Then Sunday, it was full on AF. Normally,  I run 5 days, stopping the 3rd night and by day 5 it's nearly gone. Well today is CD 7 (two days past my normal) and it's still full force. I am also on BCP, which is even weirder! I should have at least slowed down by now. I gotta get on the surro board and ask about this, then call Dr. P.

I've still not heard if my IP's have chosen another donor or what is going on. I am in limob, once more.

Joy!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Aunt Flow...ugh

Well it's Friday and I thought I at least had until Sunday, but I was wrong. I started spotting this morning and it's gotten progressively heavier as the day has gone. So, I am officially being haunted by aunt flow.

So, I started my first active pill as instructed. Next week is a new week and we will be getting our new donor and moving things along.

I haven't spoken with L or M since they were given the news, I want to call them, but I feel as if it would be more painful to them for me to call.

I guess we'll just see what next week brings.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

New Look

So, I've got a new look for my blog. Like it?

I got it proudly from a wonderful designer at SMG named Cara.

I ♥ it!

I wonder...

I read on another infertility board about some womens bodies rejecting the embryo's as invaders and not allowing them to attach. This one woman took benadryl and got pregnant naturally just before having her 2nd IVF treatment...hmm. I wonder if there is something to this?


http://forums.fertilitycommunity.com/1108000120-post562.html

The Day after...

So, I was up most of last night with hot flashes and cold flashes, which sucks, horribly. I also started spotting.
Well, the spotting is gone this morning, but the flashes seem to be a constant.

I hadn't cried about all this until a little while ago when Souad called me and informed me about my IP's deciding to do a fresh transfer since Dr. Pabon informed them the 3 remaining embryo's are no good. Big shock there. Anyway, Souad heard what I told Julie yesterday about him letting me know that of 7 pregnancy tests, mine was the only negative. Souad called up there to wring someone's neck and it found out Dr. P was the one who called me and she couldn't do anything about it, but that was completely uncalled for. It was then that I started crying.

I fell HORRIBLE for my IP's. Awful. I was/am scared they were mad at me, but Souad reassured me. I did everything I was supposed to do. My poor dh has to go through this with me, every step of the way, but he is so wonderful about it. My kids were disappointed as well and my dd's reaction word for word was "so we did all that for nothing?" Kids. What can you do? I explained to her it's not guaranteed to work, but we do what we can.

As for me, I am going to go eat some lunch, cry some more until I feel I can no longer cry and then sleep, maybe.


Monday, March 14, 2011

I was correct...

Dr. Pabon called me and told me it was negative. I figured so and was prepared. He told my IP's. He also nicely informed me that out of 7 pregnancy tests mine was the only one that was negative. Thanks Dr. P. 'Preciate that. Anyway, my IP's are talking with him tomorrow at 11 and will decide whether to do FET or another fresh w/ a different donor. He said the egg quality could have been better had they used a different protocol and this is not my fault. I wish I had known the egg quality wasn't that good to begin with, I wouldn't have held on to hope so hard. =(

As a hopeful surrogate, you feel horrible it doesn't work. You feel as though it's your fault. But you feel 10 times worse for your intended parents. It actually makes you feel worse in many ways...like a failure.

*sigh*

I guess, here's hoping the next time it works. I was instructed to stop meds and he's calling me in the BCP to start when I start my period, which will be around Sunday, if my body follows the same pattern it did last time.

Here's hoping...

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I don't think it took....

So it's 9dp5dt and I took an answer about an hour ago and it was negative. I spoke to my IM at length on the phone yesterday and she wants to go ahead with the FET should we need to, but it'll be up to my IF, as she is on board with whatever. I swear her and my dh are just alike, I think that's why her and I get along so well =)
I am glad we have a plan B, but it's still irritating this didn't take. Next time we will put in three and I am going to pray harder and longer one sticks. Just one baby for them. I don't think that's too much to ask.

What I want to know, which I will Monday after she calls me and tells me my beta is negative, is how a FET works. Do I still have the same med protocol minus the BCP since there is no syncing?

I don't know...M told me not to test again, but I am a pee-aholic lol...I don't want to be blindsided going in there for beta.

Oh well....next update Monday.


Saturday, March 5, 2011

2 days post transfer

I'm a blogging fool! LOL

So, here we are 2 days past transfer, 53 hours to be exact. I have been having twinge type pains on both sides of my uterus, so I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I am REALLY hoping that means implantation of at least one of the embryo's.

Today has been hell on my chest too, very sore. Progesterone in all it's glory making me feel pregnant, though technically we aren't quite there yet, unconfirmed anyway. They have to implant first! PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) is the RE saying....

I soooooooooo hope one does. At least one. Just one, that's all I'm asking for. M & L want a baby so bad, just as other IP's have in the past and present. I want to help them.
This has been a dream for me, for upwards of 5 years. I didn't have the proper support system needed when I wanted to begin years ago, and now I do. I'm so ready for the long awaited dream of mine to become a reality.

That sounds so cliché but it's true. Most surrogates, from what I've seen, have the same issue when having to wait so long for this. Every part of it is hard, yet wonderful. The end product is what this is all about.

Ok, I think I'm done ramling for now. LOL
I will add another blog Tuesday after Mom's surgery and I POAS.

Later!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Transfer, complete.

So, it was as I imagined it would be. Except the part about the bladder fullness...I totally expected it to be worse. Thank you, prince Valium. The speculum hurt a little, but all in all it wasn't that bad.
Before hand, L & M and I were brought into a different room and talked about the number of embryos to transfer. L almost went to 3, to which I probably would have spoke up and said something had Dr. P not done it for me. Dr. P said that would be possible to transfer 3 maybe on the 2nd try if the first doesn't work. But I also found out they PGD'd the embies...I didn't know that before I got in there today...It's a little disturbing, but I was assured it wouldn't hinder the chances of implantation any from having it. If it works, I will lose all skepticism of PGD. I've seen other surros have healthy surro babies from PGD'd embies, but the last journey I had one PGD'd emby put in. Anyway, back to the subject...12 were fertilized (IDK how may retrieved) then after PGD, 6 were still viable. 4 female and 2 male. L wanted to put both boys in, but Dr. P explained that one of the female embies was in much better condition, so they went with the best two, and L & M went with Dr. P's suggestion. (One boy and one girl)

L & M went into transfer room with me and Dr. P explained everything as he did it. He was so professional and so different from Dr. Akerman. Holy crap. Dr. P didn't stare at my vajayjay the whole time...after he put the embies in he put the sheet down and moved away while he got clearance the catheter was empty. Anyway, L rubbed my shoulder a little during the process to ease the silence lol

My IP's are fabulous. I'd only talked to them a couple times before transfer, but today was just phenomenal. They hadn't yet met Thomas, my husband and M told me after transfer while we were sitting in the quiet room that she adored him and he reminded her of home (Jacksonville, where IM and myself are from), which made me happy. We all did big hugs before they left and made plans for the testing POAS phone calls and all that. My beta (the blood draw that tells the HCG level in blood and confirms pregnancy) is on the 14th. That's 11 days from now. I will be POAS come Tuesday.

Anyway, once the valium wore off and we were on the way home, my head started hurting a little. I was starving. So we swung by checkers, got a couple burgers and I've been on the couch since. Thomas made me his special home made Chicken Parmesan (spelling?)for dinner w/ salad and asparagus (which I hate, yuk!) but the chicken and the salad were both great!
My dd has been rubbing my feet and head and being sweet.
I'm not terribly happy though...my Aunt and Father waited to tell me my Mom is in the hospital. She had a couple seizures this morning and her BP was extremely high. They admitted her and Dad came over and relinquished the horrid news that they found a spot on her lung, though they don't know what it is at this point. Her mother (my grandma) died from lung cancer the year Evey was born.
Now I just need to occupy my time with work and get through everything one day at a time.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

14 hours to go...

Well 14 hours and 15 minutes to go, to be exact. I'm nervous. Way more nervous (or so it seems) than the last transfer.

Why? I have no clue. I guess because I set my heart on the last one working though the chance was so small. This time the chance is double and I still feel the need to go into this cautiously. I want and NEED it to work so badly, that I feel it won't. Nothing seems to go in my favor, so why should this?
I guess I'm being silly and letting everything else overwhelm the hell out of me too. Work is so busy this time of year and there are constant banquets. I'm working 30 hours and when I started I was working like 10. It's a paycheck, don't get me wrong. But when you can't meet the quota needed it's stressful, though it isn't actually my fault, I still feel bad about it. Then there is my Momma. She is having open heart surgery on Tuesday the 8th. She is having a fistula or something put in her right ventricle to aid in dialysis. It's nerve wracking alone. Then there is the hormones and being so damn tired all the time....and hungry...and having to pee so much.

Anyway, transfer is at noon tomorrow and I am ready to get it done and keep praying it works.