About Me

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Jacksonville, Florida, United States
I am a smart mouthed, tell it like it is southern chick. I love and hurt like everyone else. Take me as I am or get on outta here! I have two wonderful children, One large man child husband, and two furbabies. I'm existing, hopefully soon to be living once the brain tumor I have is removed. Anything you want to know, e-mail me!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Not so good news...

You know being pregnant is hard enough, but to have a family member on life support does not make matters any easier.

I got a text from my father this morning that he was on his way to the county hospital while EMT's transported my mother from dialysis. They wouldn't tell him why. He finally found out after a nurse took him to the family waiting room and sat him down and explained the situation.
I didn't know the entire story until later in the day, but here it is.

My mom goes to dialysis every mon/wed/fri every week. Well she was at her normal dialysis appt. and they hooked her up to her machine and left her there...checked on her TWO AND A HALF HOURS later, to find her with no pulse and no heart beat. Now, keep in mind she has a DNR on file. So, not only do have the screwed up by waiting so long to check on her, but then they administer CPR!!!! They can't get her back so they call EMT and they shock her and get a hb, then lose it. So they put her on a ventilator and take her to Manatee Co. hospital.

My dad is there waiting for us and goes into shock, and passes out and I find him, eyes open and red, drooling uncontrolably and unable to move his arms or legs. They have to then put him on gurney and take him to a room. So then I've got both parents in the E.R.

As of right now, my dad is fine at home. My brother will be here momentarily from Georgia, and we are then going up to the hospital. We plan to remove her from the ventilator tomorrow and pray she makes it. The chances are very small, if any that she will. All we have is hope that god will take her peacefully when the time is right. We are prepared to let her be in peace.

I will update after something has happened.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

2nd u/s...

Well the baby is still on board w/ a good heartbeat of 178 bpm and little flailing arm buds. It was a good experience. I do have a blood clot in my uterus, so I was told the bleeding episodes I've had and may have more of, are contributed to that.

My clinic called this morning and told me to get blood work on the 6th to check progesterone and estrogen levels so they can start weening me off the medications. I am really excited about that since I am getting headaches so much. The clinic assured me that having them is normal because my placenta is kicking in and my body is in overdrive with the hormones and headaches are the most common complaint.

There isn't much more to talk about at this time, today has been a little rough for a few reasons and I'm just trying to get through. More in a few days.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Non Surrogacy Related- Thinking this morning...

I get up every morning around 5:20-ish to take my husband to work and after I drop him off, I turn up the radio to keep me awake on my drive home. Usually it's the same songs in the morning, but I'm guessing the radio station decided to change things up this morning. I heard the song below and just started crying. Now, like most songs on country music stations, I know damn near the entire song (this one I do know all of) so it wasn't a shocking song, but of the million times I've heard it, today it made me cry...

                                          You're gonna miss this- Trace Adkins

In light of the fact that my daughter is in 5th grade this is a big deal to me. I know a lot of you are like "so, it's only 5th grade?" but to me, it's like I gave birth to her yesterday. She's still a newborn in her car seat on the way home from the hospital. This song takes me back to my child hood...I lost a lot of my child hood to my parents being sick off an on and working all the time...life has no been easy. I had to be a grown up at 16 and teach myself to cook and take care of my parents and siblings. I do miss being a kid...no worries other than not wanting to go to bed or if I had my homework done...was I going to miss my t.v. show? Those types of things are the things we hate as kids, but as adults we want those to be our only problems again. As adults we have mortgages/rent, water/electric, food, car payments, insurance etc. The biggest thing is stress. Our children are our blessings in every possible way, even if they are the inducers of the stress at times.

Another thing that plagues me when I see this video, and this has to be the hardest of all, is my kids biological father. Any father that never sees his kids and doesn't seem to care, for that matter. How can they do that? How can they just go on their merry way without a thought or care? I'm not saying my kids bio-dad doesn't care, he doesn't show it very well if he does, it's just being so far away and never calling to see how they are and only speaking to them via facebook chat is not very "fatherly" to me. How can he stand the thought that he is going to miss all these precious moments in their lives?

I don't get it, I don't know.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Morning sickness and bleeding...

So, the lovely ladies on my surrogacy board have once again been a WONDERFUL source of support throughout this scary time I'm having so far with this pregnancy. I am hoping the bleeding so early on is not a precursor to the rest of my pregnancy.

On that note, I've had three bleeding episodes. All minor in nature, not anything really to write home about, slight bleeding, a clot and then nothing. The episodes last for roughly 8-12 hours at a time. I'm kind of tired of being freaked out about the whole thing, I hope they just stop...it would be nice to have one less worry. I always e-mail my Nurse Coordinator and it's usually the same thing...two extra capsules vaginally and bed rest. This last time there was a little cramping involved and I was put on 48 hours bed rest. Needless to say that sucks horribly. I have a hard time with it.

A few other pregnancy symptoms have popped up...excessive (nearly hourly) runs to the toilet to pee. I mean PEE. A lot. Geesh. Then today, this evening, the "morning sickness" I was hoping to avoid, reared upon me. I've not yet relived my dinner, but it sure feels like I'm gonna. Ick. Also, gas. My husband swears I could fuel a rocket ship to the moon, and he's pretty vocal about his belief. I've also picked up some wicked heartburn. That is never fun.

Other than that, I'm just peachy keen. We've got a couple of good things going on in our personal life right now that I am really hoping work out. My Mom decided to go against the cancer treatment and live out her days happy and only doing what's necessary to stay alive in the moment, which is dialysis. I was upset at first, but she's been suffering with pain and bodily function problems for so long that she is just miserable and ready to go. None of us are going to aid her in her going, but we've decided to let her make her own decisions and when the time comes, she will go peacefully and regret free. That's all we can hope for, and we do, sincerely hope that she will be happier and at peace in her final resting place. It's taken me a few days to come to grips with this as I've always been close to my mom, but she is not really my mom 95% of the time. She's either talking about how she wants to die or she is drugged up on painkillers and downers to relieve the pain and anxiety she suffers with. I just want her happy, and if that means letting go, then I will. I already have a song in mind to listen to and play the day of her funeral. In fact, get tissues and listen to it..I will post it below.

Thanks for watching (if you did). If you cried, I'm sorry. But, I'm sure you can imagine why this would be the song I chose...

Thanks for reading...

Monday, August 8, 2011

6 week ultrasound...

Well there it is. One good, healthy baby with a heartbeat of 125 bpm. My IM jumped up and down in the room when she saw the heartbeat, then again when the Doctor could only find one baby in there LOL!

If I could have, I would have joined right along with her, but with IF in the room and me with no pants on, that wasn't an option.

I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo glad there is only one baby in there. Twins would have wreaked havoc on my body and my family. One I can handle. That's all I am looking to handle. Thank the lord. Now lets hope this baby grows to term with no problems arising in my body or his/hers.

On another note, my IM's son from her previous husband is in the hospital with Afib (Atrial Fibrillation) and needs prayers. He is stable, but it is a heart condition and it is still scary for everyone.

Please, if you get a moment, say a prayer for him. Thank you.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

To all my AAS friends...

This shout goes out to a lot of wonderful ladies whom, without them, I would be a nervous wreck and impossible to get along with.

To name a Few:


Thank you all so much for being especially supportive when I've needed it most so far. I hope I've been somewhat as close to helping you (or will in the future) as you have helped ease my mind and send out prayers on so many issues and subjects.

I will be forever in your debt, and you will be forever in my heart as a friend whom I hope to meet in person in real life.

AAS is a wonderful place and I feel so blessed to be a part of it.

This is just to say "Thank You" so..